Category Archives: In His Presence

I’m no longer blogging…

Hehe got you by surprise with that title didn’t I? 😉 Yes the truth is I will no longer be blogging on this site anymore… I’ve moved to my old blogsite  I’ll be blogging my christian faith and stuff on that site from now on 🙂

And OF course Have Faith, my other christian blog is still very much alive. Do drop by 🙂

A quick one!

Hello!! I know it’s been like forever since I last blogged.  Well I have to admit that work has taken up a lot of my time, added to the fact that I temporary do not have internet access at home, so therefore the only time I can actually go online is at work, but when you’re at work, you just don’t have the luxury of time to just blog. There’s just so many things going on and the last week or 2 have been really really busy for me.

 

I know some of you have been worried and wondering what the heck has happened to me… Thank you so much for your kind concerns, its really comforting to know that you have who don’t really know you in person or anything and yet have that concerned feeling for you, wondering if you’re doing alright and stuff. Thanks!

 

Anyway rest assure I’m doing superbly well. I guess my last entry would have gotten some people wondering whether I was alright, and the answer is : yes, I’m really doing good here.

 

Now here’s a quick one about how my faith life has been:

 

I’ve lately gotten an opportunity to do lead worship at my local youth group here in church. It has been an awesome and wonderful experience. You know it’s a WHOLE lot more to lead worshiping that just standing in front and singing songs. It takes effort and a lot of preparation.

 

Well that’s all for now, I’ll write out more on lead worshipping when I have the time.

 

God bless

 

Him, Me and my Romantic Pursuits – Part 1

Again this is a 2 part entry simply cuz it’s just too long to hold as one post. Besides this is a very personal and intimate topic and I really have a lot to share.

 

 

The “lonesomeness” bug has hit me. And it has hit me bad. But seriously what can you do when you meet up with your ex-girlfriend after nearly 2 years? No I didn’t have any ill-feelings toward her, in fact more than anything else, I missed her dearly. It ended very abruptly and it wasn’t good at all. But I was very much naïve at that time, and I didn’t think so much of it then…not until I grew up and started realizing more about what love is all about.

 

Seeing her again really brought back memories, good memories, memories that I would often think and recollect back during some nights. But in all of this, I began to feel that something is missing. I feel hollow inside, sometimes.  I look around and when I see 2 people of the opposite sex holding hands and walking together, I realize THAT is what I am missing out. I’m missing out on romance and intimacy. I’m missing out the thrill and excitement of going out on a date.

 

And I guess that’s why I’m feeling alone. It’s bad enough that over the last couple of days, I have been sort of “keeping my distance” from him, and to top it of, feeling lonely makes it even worse and painful.

 

I was really in a messed up shape over the weekend. Though on the outside, everything seemed fine, I knew deep down I was in a middle of a storm. My heart was just sinking. Discouraged, disappointed, and depressed would have easily been the theme for the weekend.

 

I guess I was depressed and sad because meeting up with my ex really in a way showed me how much of  a fool I had been. I was sad that I had lost her and I could only now be a friend to her. I was upset because I felt alone. Even though I had friends from work, I still felt alone. I could never open up my deepest feelings or secrets with anyone from work for personal and professional reasons. And when it comes to these kind of issues, I don’t feel comfortable opening up to my parents either. It’s not that I don’t trust them or anything, but I feel what I could really use now is a good close friend of my age who understands me and is able to “lift me up”.

 

But I didn’t have anyone. And for 2-3 days I felt really miserable. And yet no one knew it.

 

But God knew how much I was hurting inside. He knew how “weak” I had gotten. He knew that I needed His affection. And He waited, while I continued seeking worldly solutions, never mind if they were temporary.  But honestly, I never found anything. In fact, I became even sad and discouraged.

 

And finally, last night, I came before the Lord. And I poured out everything to Him.  Through the guidance of the Holy Spirit, I finally knew the root cause of my problem. You see when it comes to other areas in my life, such as studies, work, family, I know exactly who to turn with much faith and trust. BUT not with relationships. Oh nono, I am very selfish when it comes to relationships. I forget Him, not entirely, but He is definitely not on my mind anymore. He is replaced by the twinkling eye or the unforgettable smile of the one I’m madly thinking about. Somehow He takes a backseat. I don’t know why I do this, but last night I realized, that throughout all my years growing up from a teenager with early crushes to my young adulthood life, whenever it came to relationships, I would not involve God at all. It’s not that I didn’t want His blessings or anything, but rather I wanted to enjoy the thrills of romance without His “supervision”. (I hope this somewhat makes sense to you!).

 

I’ll involve God when I’m ready

 

That was my attitude. How foolish I am to think this way! But yet you know, when they say “LOVE IS BLIND”, it really blinds you from everything, including God. I guess we can’t call that LOVE in the first place can we? Cuz God IS LOVE!

 

And so last night, I slowly began to realize that the reason why I always get depressed, and discouraged whenever it came to relationships, (This is not the first time I have felt this sort of discouragement and loneliness). God was not in it. And I didn’t want God to be in it for fear that He will just yank of my hopes of finding romance.  But in the process, I became more skeptical in trusting God in this area. I could talk to God about my hopes and dreams, but yet not about the girl I hoped, simply because I didn’t believe that He will just show me someone. Stupid I know, but that’s how flawed some human hearts are.

 

But He understood all this. I could just imagine He just being up there shaking his head thinking “My child, when will you learn to trust me with EVERY area of your life?”

 

And that was the apex of last night’s “conversation” with Him. For the first time, I poured out my heart with regards to this issue, I asked Him how come I could come to Him for everything and yet I couldn’t come to Him when it came to relationships and dating? And right there, He answered

 

“My child, have I not answered the things that you have requested for in the past?”

 

I thought for a while. I thought of the times when I asked him and marveled at how He responded to my requests. Not only did he just answer my prayer, He gave me the very best. Yes, I don’t know how God works in your life, but for me, He gives me the best, He goes beyond my expectations and He just makes me realize and reminds me that nothing is impossible for Him.

 

And I realized, that all this while, with regards to all my other areas in life, He has always given me the best. All areas, except relationships, why? Because I was a fool to not ask Him. I chose not to trust Him with finding me a suitable girl because I wanted to find my own and I didn’t want to wait for the next 5 – 10 years just to feel the excitement of romance.

 

How foolish I was to think that God wouldn’t understand what it feels like to “be in love”.

 

More in Part 2 😀

 

20 minutes of Solid worship

I hadn’t plan on blogging for the last few days as I have been really tied up with work plus I’ve been under the weather as well. But last night something tremendous happened, something so profound that I just had to write about it and share with you all.

 

I had been working last night till about 8pm and after watching some TV, I decided to read Tommy Tenney’s book The God Chasers. I was reading on a particular section on how we need to be “dead” in order to seek God ; dead meaning brokenness in spirit and repentance within the soul.

 

I thought about it for a while, and I suddenly decided to start praying. I am sincerely convinced that this was definitely a move/nudge by the holy spirit in me.

 

How about we seek God right now?

 

I didn’t want to at first because it was already getting late I had work tomorrow morning.

 

Nevermind, lets just seek him, lets put all our work worries, our sicky feeling, our happy thoughts, our plans for the next day and just come and worship before Him.

 

And I prayed. I started off by quietly calming my mind from all my humanly thoughts and boy was it a abit of tough effort in the beginning. I just had so many thoughts buzzing through my brain ; praise songs going blaring through the inside of my mind, but I was persistent and patient. Eventually after praying in tongues for abit, I could concentrate better.

 

I then begin by crying out to God for mercy and for forgiveness. I don’t know what made me do this because I usually start off by heaps of praises before God. Even though I felt I didn’t commit any major sin over the last few days, I still cried out before God. I was then reminded of the verse Found in Ps 51:17. The Lord desires a broken spirit, a broken spirit, the Lord will not despise.

 

I went on crying out to the Lord for mercy, and for forgiveness…and half way through I started asking God to show me His glory. I begged God to come down, and just show me His glory. I think this is one of the hardest plea I had ever cried out to God. I just wanted to see Him, and though I’ve always gotten some experience, nothing really matched to what I witnessed last night.

 

As I prayed really hard for God to show me His glory, suddenly I had this vision of this super bright light. Its radiant light was far stronger than the sunlight and it was so strong I just begin to tightly shut my eyes and immediately I went flat down and just begin to worship Him, crying out Truths about Him. I begin to cry out in my heart all the glorious names and titles of the Lord. And as I was flat down, I could still feel the light’s strong presence and it was such a surprising experience for me till I couldn’t open my eyes for some minutes. I just literally couldn’t open my eyes! I tried but they wouldn’t seem to come up. I am convinced that God was presence, He came with a powerful light and He blinded me for a moment there. When I felt I couldn’t open my eyes, I knew I was in His spirit, I knew that this is what I had wanted…and so sitting cross-legged on my bed with my head face down, I just assumed that position for some time.

 

By the time the whole experience was over, only 20 minutes had passed, but boy that 20 minutes had to sure be one of the best thing that had ever happened to me!

 

All it needed was just some effort on my part to concentrate on God and submission to His Spirit.  Now if 20 minutes can do so much…I wonder what 45 minutes can do?

 

I really don’t know, but I’m pretty sure He knows 😉

Dear Jesus

Dear Jesus,

Things are not going as smooth as it is. I sometimes don’t really understand how you work. Then again no man can understand how you really work right? No I’m not trying to insult you or stir up an argument with you. You know how “tight” we still are. Despite everything that happeend yesterday, i still came back to you, why? because I love you…alot! Sure I keep saying “If you want you can give it, you can make it happen”, but more than that, I know that deep down, we’ve come a long way…both you and I.

Problems are just coming in…despite how close we are. Wierd isn’t it? I mean why should something come between us? Especially when you’re showing me so much of your glory? My only conclusion is that perhaps, the Enemy is not too pleased with us. As you yourself know, the Enemy really can influence me heavily, telling me that it’s only natural to do things that I shouldn’t do.

But I know you’re a faithful God. I know that at the end of the day you will deliver me. You will give me what’s best. You’ve guided me so far into this job. It’s as though that this job is “meant to be” from you for me. It’s like a gift that you’re giving me. Why on earth should you suddenly stop this from coming to me? As it is, despite asking for your guidance and help in this matter, you seem to be guiding us back to this job opportunity. Other job opportunities seem to be giving problems and there are so much obstacles.

So I will wait on you. Whatever it is You will deliver me from this mess. Why? Because I trust You, yes I’m horrible at leaving everything in your hands, but that’s just a weakness of mine. But I still trust you, I just want you to know this, I still have faith in you.

Your loving son,
D4G

And He Spoke To me

It was just another worship high praise session. I was immersed with the Spirit of God and I began praying with tongues.  And suddenly halfway during worship I heard a voice telling me

Turn from your wicked ways and follow me!

What?? Was that God really speaking to me? I began to doubt

Surely this is just perhaps the devil who is just tempting me to think that it’s God himself that is talking to me:

Would Satan be in such a place like this?

This  assured me.

But how am I supposed to turn from this bad habit Lord? I’m so weak at times

You have been praying to Me for strength haven’t you? and you do know I do not allow you to be tempted beyond your ability? I am here, just come into my presence

And the voice just continued

And do you know that I have annointed you. You have been praying for the gifts of the Holy Spirit and I have already given them to you

I was stunned. Dumbfounded. This is because I have been praying for the gifts of the Holy Spirit for sometime now everyday. Besides that here was God offering an accurate solution to my problem. It was like as though He just “prescribed” me the cure for my problem – “Just come to my presence” and these are His words, it came directly from the Lord Himself.

And then I began doubting myself. For long I have wanted the gifts of the Holy Spirit but now, I felt afraid, yes I was afraid. I felt that it was perhaps a mistake to us, I wasn’t sure what I had asked for.

But Lord I’m not worthy, I don’t even know I am ready

I have chosen you, I have known you even before you were born, You will serve for My people, I do not want to lose you, I wan’t you back

But what gifts have you given me Lord? What gifts do I have?

And it just became quiet. I couldn’t hear any voice. Then it sorta made sense to me – I will probably learn this gift He has given me as I go on worshipping and living with God’s spirit.

And then I just remembered something important. I forgot to ask God about my job.What is going to happen to my career plans? What’s gonna happen in the future?

And the voice returned

Don’t worry about you job, just worship me

The voice never returned again. BUt I was filled with the Spirit. God had spoken to me! Me! An unworthy sinner who indulges in inpure thoughts every now and then and the Lord just spoke to me, He came to talk to me. He could have spoken to other more “qualified’ and worthy individuals that day, but He chose to come to me. He chose to tell me important things that would allow me to draw closer to Him.

It was as though He took the first step to mold me; to prepare me to be His instrument, to be His Hand.

You may think this is all cool- wow man God spoke to you, that’s awesome – you may think this is something to boast about and be proud off ; but frankly it has made me smaller. It has made me more humble. It has made me realize that there is a God and He is working through me day by day.

And for this to happen ; for God to work through me, I too have to do my part ; I too should put more effort into

  • resisting temptation and evil
  • praying more often
  • reading His word diligently
  • excercising my spiritual gifts more often

But why me? I have no idea, but I should not look at my own human attributes, for God to work through me, I would have to draw upon His attributes.

It’s only through HIM that I can do all things