You may be thinking whether this site has gone dead…well the good news is…nope this site is pretty much alive as the author is! The bad news…well there is no bad news.
Okay maybe there is, but I don’t know whether to call it BAD news to begin with, it’s just that things have been really quiet on my side. Life has been kind to me, but I wonder whether I really appreciate it at times. Rather than looking at the bright side of things, I tend to look on what I don’t have, what I am missing, and what I want. It’s really sad to some degrees because I am the one who usually gives that sorta talk/hope to people, especially my friends who weigh down their problems to me.
I kinda feel like a candle metaphorically speaking; I am able to bring some light, some joy and lots of smiles to those around me, yet when I am alone…I really feel alone. I feel that I am missing something, something is just empty.
Perhaps is God…no it IS God that I am missing, I checked my Godmeter a few hours ago, it showed close to empty. But you know what’s really strange? I just don’t feel like seeking Him…yet. No don’t get me wrong, I still love the Big Man, I still think of Him from time to time during the day, but yet…I somewhat feel I’m not ready for him yet, I am not ready to seek him yet.
Have you ever felt that way?
Maybe it’s just work, maybe it’s alot of things I have been thinking about lately (family, friends, etc.). Recently I got news that my ex-girlfriend had recently come home for the summer holidays, and I actually called her up over the weekend, and even though we had already made up and become good friends again, I still feel something strange inside, something that I honestly can’t describe.
The messed up part is thinking more about it makes me feel worse :(, but at the same time, I can’t stop thinking about her. No I don’t plan to get her back at all, I’m honestly happy to be one of her friends, but yet something is stirring inside of me.
I guess it’s time to return back to Abba. And like I said before, even though I’m not ready to seek Him in full force, I must admit that I’m missing Him alot, I miss the way He just stirs my heart, I miss the way He gives me the confidence I need to embrace a new day, I miss the way He calms my heart, I miss the way He makes me rest.
You know what the funny part is, I know that He is the way, I know that He can fill my every desire, I know all of this, because I have been filled many times before. And yet, at this moment, I am purposely being hesitant. I guess I’m hoping my human emotions and feelings would temporarily give me some relief, some comfort, but I know at the end of the day, like that prodigal son, I will “return”, running towards my Daddy and just embracing him with all I got…
And you know something, the best part is, He will be just as happy to see me return.
Be patient with me Daddy, I’m coming towards You!
Eternal God, you know despite how far I go, or how long I’ve gone, I will always come back to you. Despite my own human ego, my flawed intellect, I know that I can do nothing without you. You alone can fill my hearts desire oh Lord and I truly and
honestly long to be with you. Guide me O gentle spirit, so that I that I may be able to see Your holy path and once again walk in the Light and in Righteousness. Fill me oh Lord with that same passion once again to seek you come before you. I need that passion that you’ve always stirred within me oh Lord, please do not forget me or leave me. Be with me oh holy spirit I most humbly pray and ask. Amen.