I don’t know whether labeling me as a prodigal son seems fitting. I have always had much love for the Lord, even though I was involved in a couple of “ungodly” and sinful things.
In fact since last year I’ve always had a yearning to lead His people into worship. Music is something I truly enjoy and He has given me the gift of singing. Even right now too, despite all the nonsense I’ve done, and the guilt and shame I am often reminded of, I still long to worship Him and be an instrument for him.
I remember during those jobless months, I would pray diligently to ask God to make me to be His instrument so that I can serve Him. I prayed so much for the Lord to pour out His spiritual gifts so that I may use them to serve and minister to people for His greater glory.
But alas, my job temporarily blinded me. Swearing, dirty talk, cursing, lusts, temptation, self dependence all crept in and I became oblivious to His spirit. It didn’t bother me at first, but later on it became clear, I was missing something… I was missing His love and presence.
I knew I had to change my act, I had to pull up my “faith” socks and I needed to turn over a new leaf.
However I know this time, I can’t, not even for a single second do it without His strength. I’m far too vulnerable; I know that for a fact, though my faith in Him is strong, I can easily get caught up with the way of the world.
But in the midst of all of this, I still can’t understand why God has been extremely kind to me. Not only do I have a secured well paying job with one of the best companies in the world, I live just 5 minutes away from my catholic community church, I have a comfortable home which I rent and it’s just 5 minutes away from work and I also have a kind and wonderful landlord. To top it off, I’m blessed and thankful to have a supportive and extremely loving family ( they’re the ones who actually helped me buy my car!!).
Yes you can somewhat see now how my life is shaped. Indeed I’m truly blessed, despite my humanly flaws, God is extremely wonderful and has given me a number of gifts in the form of talents, and blessings and some of these “ talent gifts” are not even opened yet.
Perhaps maybe God has given me all this blessings so that in turn, I would bless others by bringing them to God. Perhaps maybe this is God’s way of using me as an instrument; an instrument to reach out to the younger generation of today’s world? I don’t know honestly, but I’ll just let him determine my footsteps 😉 (Prov 16:9)’
I guess what I want to say is this: While I deeply want to further commit myself even deeper with Him, I personally want God to touch others around me just as He has touched me. I want people to know God in a more intimate way just as I have known Him and continue to learn more about Him. (Heh, learning about God is a life long journey!)…
Why? Why all this interest in God? Because I honestly know firsthand and from experience that God is the answer, the source of truth. I’m convinced that while we are encouraged to succeed in life and accomplish our life goals, we were still made to depend on a source greater than human strength. We were made to depend on Him. And no do not thinkg for one moment you can be smarter and stronger than God.
Eve hoped to be smarter and mightier than God and looked what happened to mankind?
Thus I know that God is THE WAY. And you need not be in a poor, miserable and desperate state to come to Him. I really feel that you can be extremely successful in your own life, be a happy and cheerful person, be really good at what you do while at work and yet still be close to Him by sending up your sincere, heartfelt praises…
St. Paul said “in everything, give thanks!”
Thus this is where my journey begins. I am honestly a little scared sometimes to go deeper with God, cuz I know I can’t “turn back”… you can’t serve two masters at the end of the day.
The journey is gonna be tough, but I find hope and courage this verse in Sirach:
Son, when you come to serve the LORD, prepare yourself for trials. –Sirach 2:1
I sincerely hope my own reflections will not only help deepen my own faith, but will touch your life, I know for a fact I’m not a very good writer, nevertheless I hope through the intervene of the Holy Spirit, you may be able to experience His wonderful promises, His unquestinoable Truth, and most of all, His Amazing love.
I also hope that in my journey I find strength from you. We need people to help us build our faith, to help carry our crosses, to remind us to return back when we drift off..and to keep us in close touch with Him.
god bless 🙂