I continued struggling. I tried to fight off the temptations, the lusts, the desires, the bad habits, but it was hard. I would be fine for 1-2 days but things would revert to normal. I would also sometimes justify myself by saying “there’s nothing wrong with cursing and swearing”, Eric, my group member was using it every other time during the day, Chloe, my female team colleague who also a Christian like me would occasionally swear.
Joe, who was the “women expert” would talk to me about sex and how he thinks pre-marital sex is totally fine and was shocked to hear that I was a virgin, despite having spent almost 3 years in North America.
Honestly I was struggling. I wanted to fit in with my friends, I didn’t want them to think that I was some weirdo. I mean seriously how many young ambitious people do you know who do not swear?
But at the same time I wanted His righteousness. I knew how amazing it was to be in His light (those 3 jobless months, even though it was tough for me, I learnt to depend more on Him and the relationship I had with him was just awesome!)
But I had to make a choice. I couldn’t follow both paths.